Some women love to wait for life for a ring in the June light for a touch of the sun to heal them for another woman’s voice to make them whole to untie their hands put words in their mouths form to their passages sound to their screams for some other sleeper to remember their future their past.
Some women wait for their right train in the wrong station in the alleys of morning for the noon to holler the night come down.
Some women wait for love to rise up the child of their promise to gather from earth what they do not plant to claim pain for labor to become the tip of an arrow to aim at the heart of now but it never stays.
Some women wait for visions That do not return Where they were not welcome Naked For invitations to places They always wanted To visit To be repeated.
Some women wait for themselves Around the next corner And call the empty spot peace But the opposite of living Is only not living And the stars do not care.
Some women wait for something To change and nothing Does change So they change Themselves.
Out of the raw material you break down you grow and absorb the energy. You work yourself from inside out, tearing out, destroying, and finding a sense of nothingness. That nothingness allows God to come in. But this somethingness—ego and prejudices and limitations—is your raw material. If you process and refine it all, you can open consciously. Otherwise, you will never come to anything that represents yourself … The only thing that can create a oneness inside you is the ability to see more of yourself as you work every day to open deeper and say, fine, “I’m short-tempered,” or “Fine, I’m aggressive,” or, “Fine, I love to make money,” or, “I have no feeling for anybody else.” Once you recognize you’re all of these things, you’ll finally be able to take a breath and allow these things to open.
"In San Francisco, I wandered into a maze that was sometimes peopled and sometimes empty, sometimes brightly lit and sometimes so dark that I had to grope my way along it with my hands, heart pounding with fear that I would never find my way out. I quickly became lost, and it seemed like almost everyone I met was lost, too. Sometimes it seemed to me an empty life, but that wasn’t really true. It wasn’t empty; it was more that the people and events in it were difficult to put together in any way that felt whole."
Capricorn - The great thing about this current Mercury retrograde in your 5th House is that it connects so beautifully to the incredible evolutionary power of Pluto in your 1st House of self and identity. The 5th House describes your creativity, love and enjoyment of life. And I know you can look back right now and think of at least three times in the past when you were bursting with creativity and your sense of self — your identity — was naturally flourishing. What you might not recall immediately is that the effortless state of flow you remember was actually built upon a foundation of regular practice. Do you remember some of the tricks you used to ease yourself past the initial resistance we all experience when we’re trying to work our way into a state of flow? Because working yourself back into that creative rhythm is a major key to achieving your goals in all areas of your life now.
There is an inherent conflict between the peace of total solitude and the pleasures of companionship, he admitted. “It’s literally like living in heaven on Earth,” he said of the island, but “I guess I could say I’m desperately lonely sometimes.”
Still, island life took its toll. “I got attacked by loneliness,” said Mr. Lextrait, who came to depend on the company of his German shepherd mix, TouTou. He would often forgo shaving and dressing, he said, and “I started talking to myself. Sometimes I felt like an animal.”
My people were not remarkable. We were ordinary, but even so we were mythical. We were the they everyone talks about - the ungrateful poor. I grew up trying to run away from the fate that destroyed so many of the people I loved, and having learned the habit of hiding, I found I had also learned to hide from myself. I did not know who I was, only that I did not want to be they, the ones who are destroyed or dismissed to make the “real” people, the important people, feel safer.
By the time I understood that I was queer, that habit of hiding was deeply set in me, so deeply that it was not a choice but an instinct. Hide, hide to survive, I thought, knowing that if I told the truth about my life, my family, my sexual desire, my history, I would move over into that unknown territory, the land of they, would never have the chance to name my own life, to understand it or claim it.
“I still think it’s important for people to have a sharp, ongoing critique of marriage in patriarchal society — because once you marry within a society that remains patriarchal, no matter how alternative you want to be within your unit, there is still a culture outside you that will impose many, many values on you whether you want them to or not.”—